


Achtung Baby: The Gavineer's Greatest Hits

by YamiTami



Category: Phoenix Wright
Genre: Humor, Other, Songwriting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-23
Updated: 2011-06-23
Packaged: 2017-10-20 16:26:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/214715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YamiTami/pseuds/YamiTami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of some of the greatest hits of the legal sensation The Gavineers!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. All Rise

[dark stage, single spot lighting Klavier from the back so his features are still in shadow]  
[deep, low strumming, no other music]

Here again  
The battlefield  
Fighting for  
What's really real  
There's just one thing  
I must inquire  
Why can't I hear  
Your burning desire

[the lights come on, pyrotechnics flare, the music blares, and the fans go wild]

Are you ready for the rhythm  
Psyched for the song  
Here we come together  
In the place we belong  
My brothers and sisters  
Shout it to the skies  
ALL RISE

Get up and scream  
Your soul to the night  
Let your troubles go  
And it'll be alright  
Now keep it all clean  
We're not here to brawl  
We just want to get lost  
In the beauty of it all

Oh and it's beautiful  
Are you ready  
Are you set  
Ready  
Set  
GO  
   
Ready for the rhythm  
Psyched for the song  
Here we come together  
In the place we belong  
The demons of our days  
We now exorcise  
ALL RISE

[instrumental jam session and introduction of the band]

Everybody  
Are you ready for the rhythm  
Psyched for the song  
As we come together  
In the place we belong  
My brothers and sisters  
Let's shout it to the skies  
ALL RISE


	2. My Boyfriend is the Prosecution's Witness

He steps up to the stand  
Hand on the smooth polished pine  
Looks the lawyer in the eyes  
And sighs  
'How 'bout we stop wasting time  
Get on with your questions  
Cross examine at will'  
You know I feel a chill

My boyfriend is  
The prosecution's witness  
It lights my fire  
To see him standing tall  
He has no fear  
For the questions that he answers  
And when he steps down  
We'll have ourselves a ball

Above the court I sit  
'Acquit' the audience says  
They don't think my baby's true  
But I do  
Won't be long until they see  
Gives his testimony  
With a confidant air  
And you know I just stare

'Cause my boyfriend is  
The prosecution's witness  
It lights my fire  
To see him standing tall  
He has no fear  
For the questions that he answers  
And when he steps down  
We'll have ourselves a ball

[bridge]

Walking from the courthouse  
Arm in arm  
Another case solved  
The city safe from harm  
Now where should we go  
To celebrate  
He said how about home  
I said baby, it's a date

Oh my boyfriend is  
The prosecution's witness  
It lights my fire  
To see him standing tall  
He has no fear  
For the questions that he answers  
And when he steps down  
We'll have ourselves  
Oh we'll have ourselves

Go back home and have  
Ourselves  
A ball


	3. Golden Gavel

Throwing out  
The harshest word  
Prejudice  
And things absurd  
Living in  
A long gone time  
I disagree  
And that's my crime

You believe  
You've got the right  
To spit around  
Your poison spite  
I've got to say  
My wicked friend  
I've had enough  
We've reached the end

You think you've got a golden gavel  
That your robes are spun of steel  
You're sitting on an ivory throne  
The world beneath your heel  
I've got something to tell you  
You're not the judge of any trial  
So just give me that golden gavel  
And we can chat a while

The lady stands  
Both blind and true  
But she can still  
See right through you  
Colorblind  
No care for wealth  
She only sees  
Your moral health

The poison bleeds  
Across your tongue  
Tasting like  
The mud you slung  
It isn't good  
To live such hate  
Meet all you know  
With cruel debate

You think you've got a golden gavel  
That your robes are spun of steel  
You're sitting on an ivory throne  
The world beneath your heel  
I've got something to tell you  
You're not the judge of any trial  
So just give me that golden gavel  
And we can chat a while

Understand  
I'm not alone  
It's not too late  
You can atone  
But only if  
You've truly learned  
Your words are wrong  
Court is adjourned


	4. Love With No Chance of Patrol

You played a pretty part  
Then cut me with a knife  
You took away my heart  
Now I'm looking at life  
I committed no crime  
But I've no proof to show  
Now all I've got is time  
And love without parole

Don't you see what you've done  
My jailer valentine  
The bars are slamming down  
Around this heart of mine

Should've seen it coming  
When you called me your clown  
Now the doors are closing  
And I'm in lockdown  
The crime is yours to claim  
'Cause it's my heart you stole  
But I'm the one in love  
With no chance of parole

I'm locked up in a jail  
Of honey sweet perfume  
I'll never make bail  
This place will be my tomb  
You arms are the gates  
Your lips the jagged wire  
And all the inmates   
Are chained by your desire

Don't you see what you've done  
My jailer valentine  
The bars are slamming down  
Around this heart of mine

Should've seen it coming  
When you called me your clown  
Now the doors are closing  
And I'm in lockdown  
The crime is yours to claim  
'Cause it's my heart you stole  
But I'm the one in love  
With no chance of parole

[bridge]

I don't have a defense  
Just let my time commence

I never saw it coming  
When you whispered my name  
The gavel's hammered down  
And I just lost the game  
The crime is yours to claim  
'Cause it's my heart you stole  
But I'm the one in love  
With no chance of parole

Oh I'm the one in love  
With no chance of parole


	5. No Objections

I'm not sure where we're going  
But I know that I'm your night  
Why can't we be together  
In the clear morning's light  
I've worried and I've pondered  
And I know what I must do  
I'm going to have to leave  
If that's all I am to you

But if you want someone to hold you  
And make that connection  
If you want a man to kiss you  
And share that affection  
If you want me to love you whole  
In all your imperfections  
If that's what you want  
Then I have no objections

Girl you know I love you  
But I can't go on  
I just can't shake the feeling  
That what we have is wrong  
You gotta tell me baby  
Where the next road will go  
And if I've gotta leave I will  
Even though it hurts me so

But if you want someone to hold you  
And make that connection  
If you want a man to kiss you  
And share that affection  
If you want me to love you whole  
In all your imperfections  
If that's what you want  
Then I have no objections

[bridge]

If you want to have a lover  
Who leaves by the dawn  
If you want to have a man  
Who's here then he's gone  
If you want that kind of lust  
All passion and flame  
I've got to tell you, baby  
I don't feel the same

But if you want someone to hold you  
And make that connection  
If you want a man to kiss you  
And share that affection  
If you want me to love you whole  
In all your imperfections  
Girl, if that's what you want  
Then I have no objections


	6. Suspect at Large

I'm looking for a beauty  
Wrapped in gold chiffon  
The clock is ringing midnight  
And this girl has gone  
I'm looking for the clues  
There's nothing to be found  
There's no crystal slipper  
Just laying on the ground

She might be Cinderella  
A princess taking flight  
She could just be a temptress  
More suited to the night  
Whoever she is I'll find her  
Who makes my passions charge  
Wherever she is I'll hold her  
This suspect at large

Her skin of creamy chocolate  
Her eyes of endless coal  
She looked at me and shook me  
Touched something in my soul   
I've questioned all the dancers  
The waitress doesn't know  
Who is this striking woman  
Who simply seemed to glow

She might be Cinderella  
A princess taking flight  
She could just be a temptress  
More suited to the night  
Whoever she is I'll find her  
Who makes my passions charge  
Wherever she is I'll hold her  
This suspect at large

I see here there  
A parting glance  
I watch her leave  
I've missed my chance

[bridge]

I'm looking for a carriage  
Of bright and gaudy gold  
A mocking imitation  
Of the girl I'd like to hold  
I think I'm going crazy  
It might just be the light  
Her cab, it simply vanished  
A ghost into the night


	7. Take a Stand

He walks by every morning  
You see his bruises every day  
A boy only eleven  
Who can't go out to play  
Will be it be a sling tomorrow  
A bright and cheery cast  
Or will it be this morning  
That this child breathes his last

Sometimes it's hard to take that step  
But it's his hurt you'll never forget  
You know in your heart this isn't right  
He can be saved but you have to fight

[[take the stand]]  
You gotta do what you can  
[[take the stand]]  
In this modern wasteland  
[[take the stand]]  
In a world of contraband  
[[oooo oo oooo]]  
We have to reprimand  
Come on and take the stand

They grab her and they sneer  
It's just a little fun  
She walks on full of tension  
What if they have a gun  
Nobody's gonna listen  
Nobody turns their head  
And early next morning  
In the river she'll be dead

Across the street you can't help but see  
Her eyes meet yours in a desperate plea  
She's only a girl you've never met  
But it's her face you'll never forget

[[take the stand]]  
You gotta do what you can  
[[take the stand]]  
In this modern wasteland  
[[take the stand]]  
In a world of contraband  
[[oooo oo oooo]]  
We have to reprimand  
Come on and take the stand

You think someone will do it and so does all the crowd  
No one will hear them calling even thought they scream so loud

[[take the stand]]  
You gotta do what you can  
[[take the stand]]  
In this modern wasteland  
[[take the stand]]  
In a world of contraband  
[[oooo oo oooo]]  
We have to reprimand  
Come on and take the stand


	8. My Love, Atroquinine

[spoken]  
Now, a certain girlfriend of a member of the band, to remain unnamed, was always asking for a song to be written in her honor. Well, she's an ex-girlfriend now but we felt we should still sing her song for you here tonight.

[guitar strumming]

Some boys have their Cuddlebears  
They have their Kittens too  
Sugars and Honeys are all so sweet  
Maybe even a crazy Kazoo

[sung, as the music kicks in]  
Oh, but baby, they're not you  
Oh darling, they're just not you

Like a girl in a magazine  
Long and lean  
Hair dark brown  
And eyes wintergreen  
Sitting on your throne  
Like a Byzantine queen  
My baby, my darling, my love  
Atroquinine

When I met you in the street  
You took my breath away  
I wooed you, I won you  
And now I've gotta pay  
Anything, baby  
Whatever you say  
You'll leave me tomorrow  
And come back today

Like a demon all in green  
Beautiful and mean  
Lips painted red  
And skin velveteen  
You hide your iv'ry fangs  
Venom serpentine  
My poison, my viper, my love  
Atroquinine

[music dies down, back to strumming guitar]  
You seemed fair and pretty  
As an angel without wings  
But now I know the truth  
Your bite really stings

[music surges]  
We're done with this game  
How's this for a pet name

You're killing me like chlorine  
I think I need some morphine  
Just take me to the guillotine  
My poison  
My darling  
My love  
Atroquinine

 

 

*conspiring whisper* Her name is Angeline Wing. I'm not entirely sure which member of the band she was dating. But it's not the drummer because his girlfriend's pet name is Kazoo. I don't know when my brain decided that but it was decided and without my consent. She probably calls him Bongo.


End file.
